“Co-Dependency” is a term used for a systematic deficiency in relationships in which a person either subordinates his or her life to another’s or uses his or her life to control or dominate another’s.
From Clinical, Clerical, and Congregational Co-Dependency by Donald R. Hands (Action Information, September/October 1990)
In his writing Rev. Hands uses a co-dependency graph, where distance, differentiation, and individuation are on one axis, and relationship, connectedness, and closeness are on the other.
- When Y is min, and X is min – Nothing matters
- When Y is max, and X is min – I matter, and you don’t
- When Y is min, and X is max – You matter, I don’t
- When Y is max, and X is max – I matter, you matter