{"id":373,"date":"2007-01-26T19:10:42","date_gmt":"2007-01-26T19:10:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/elli.annall.is\/2007-01-26\/19.10.42"},"modified":"2007-01-26T19:10:42","modified_gmt":"2007-01-26T19:10:42","slug":"191042","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/2007\/01\/26\/191042\/","title":{"rendered":"99 stig"},"content":{"rendered":"

Fyrir t\u00e6pum 20 \u00e1rum kalla\u00f0i sk\u00f3lastj\u00f3rinn \u00ed gagnfr\u00e6\u00f0ask\u00f3lanum m\u00ednum, mig inn \u00e1 skrifstofuna s\u00edna. \u00deannig var a\u00f0 ni\u00f0urst\u00f6\u00f0ur samr\u00e6mdu pr\u00f3fanna voru n\u00fdkomnar \u00ed h\u00fas. Af einhverjum \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0um s\u00e1 hann \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0u til a\u00f0 r\u00e6\u00f0a vi\u00f0 mig s\u00e9rstaklega um ni\u00f0urst\u00f6\u00f0u st\u00e6r\u00f0fr\u00e6\u00f0ipr\u00f3fsins.<\/p>\n

Hann s\u00fdndi m\u00e9r bla\u00f0 me\u00f0 uppl\u00fdsingum um pr\u00f3fani\u00f0urst\u00f6\u00f0una, \u00fear sem einstakir li\u00f0ir pr\u00f3fsins voru greindir ni\u00f0ur. \u00c9g var me\u00f0 fullt fyrir \u00f6ll d\u00e6mi nema eitt, \u00ed lok pr\u00f3fsins var 3 stiga d\u00e6mi. D\u00e6mi\u00f0 f\u00f3l \u00ed s\u00e9r a\u00f0 taka uppl\u00fdsingar sem f\u00f3lu \u00ed s\u00e9r tv\u00e6r \u00f3\u00feekktar st\u00e6r\u00f0ir, \u00fatb\u00faa TV\u00c6R j\u00f6fnur me\u00f0 tveimur \u00f3\u00feekktum, leysa \u00fe\u00e6r saman og finna svari\u00f0. \u00c9g haf\u00f0i hins vegar, stytt m\u00e9r lei\u00f0, fundi\u00f0 \u00ed huganum tengslin \u00e1 milli \u00f3\u00feekktu st\u00e6r\u00f0anna og \u00fatb\u00fai\u00f0 j\u00f6fnu me\u00f0 EINNI \u00f3\u00feekktri st\u00e6r\u00f0. Svari\u00f0 vi\u00f0 d\u00e6minu var r\u00e9tt, a\u00f0fer\u00f0in var vitlaust. \u00c9g f\u00e9kk tv\u00f6 stig \u00ed sta\u00f0inn fyrir \u00ferj\u00fa. \u00c9g man \u00feetta enn.<\/p>\n

Tveimur \u00e1rum \u00e1\u00f0ur, var \u00e9g \u00ed s\u00f6gut\u00edma \u00e1 b\u00f3kasafninu \u00ed sama gagnfr\u00e6\u00f0ask\u00f3la, kennarinn h\u00e9t Berglj\u00f3t frekar en Berglind, h\u00fan haf\u00f0i n\u00fdloki\u00f0 vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 afhenda okkur til baka pr\u00f3flausnir \u00far skyndipr\u00f3fi. Og var a\u00f0 fara yfir sv\u00f6rin me\u00f0 okkur. \u00c9g haf\u00f0i fengi\u00f0 10, allt r\u00e9tt, \u00feannig a\u00f0 \u00e9g s\u00fdndi sj\u00e1lfsagt ekki of mikinn \u00e1huga \u00e1 yfirfer\u00f0inni. Skyndilega st\u00f3\u00f0 h\u00fan vi\u00f0 bor\u00f0i\u00f0 mitt (\u00fea\u00f0 voru trapisubor\u00f0 \u00e1 b\u00f3kasafninu) og f\u00f3r a\u00f0 skamma mig, h\u00fan sag\u00f0i m\u00e9r me\u00f0al annars a\u00f0 henni \u00fe\u00e6tti ekkert vari\u00f0 \u00ed svona nemendur sem halda a\u00f0 \u00feeir viti allt, \u00fea\u00f0 s\u00e9 ekkert afrek a\u00f0 lesa daginn fyrir pr\u00f3f og f\u00e1 10 og skamma\u00f0ist yfir \u00e1hugaleysi m\u00ednu \u00e1 n\u00e1msefninu. \u00c9g v\u00e6ri sko ekkert n\u00famer \u00ed hennar augum. \u00c9g man \u00feetta enn. \u00c9g man l\u00edka \u00feegar m\u00e9r barst til eyrna athugasemd \u00fe\u00fdsku kennarans, um a\u00f0 h\u00fan skyldi n\u00fa ekkert \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed af hverju \u00e9g t\u00e6ki \u00fe\u00e1tt \u00ed tilraunah\u00f3pi \u00e1 vegum Braga J\u00f3sepssonar fyrir afbur\u00f0agreind b\u00f6rn. \u00dea\u00f0 v\u00e6ri ekki eins og \u00e9g v\u00e6ri merkilegur nemandi. Dav\u00ed\u00f0 e\u00f0lisfr\u00e6\u00f0ikennari tala\u00f0i s\u00ed\u00f0ar \u00ed t\u00edma um a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 \u00feyrfti a\u00f0 byrja \u00e1 a\u00f0 brj\u00f3ta sj\u00e1lfs\u00f6ryggi nemenda ni\u00f0ur til a\u00f0 kenna \u00feeim. \u00c9g l\u00e6r\u00f0i aldrei neitt hj\u00e1 honum og er enn \u00feeirrar sko\u00f0unar a\u00f0 e\u00f0lisfr\u00e6\u00f0i s\u00e9 rugl og einungis l\u00e9leg n\u00e1lgun a\u00f0 veruleikanum.<\/p>\n

Einn af grunn\u00fe\u00e1ttum n\u00e1msins m\u00edns h\u00e9r \u00ed Trinity Lutheran Seminary er sj\u00e1lfsko\u00f0un. \u00dea\u00f0 er sama hvert liti\u00f0 er \u00ed n\u00e1minu. Vi\u00f0 rifjum upp minnist\u00e6\u00f0a kennara, greinum fj\u00f6lskyldumunstur, skrifum ritger\u00f0ir um gu\u00f0fr\u00e6\u00f0ilega s\u00fdn okkar \u00e1 veruleikann. \u00c1st\u00e6\u00f0a \u00feessarar \u00e1herslu er s\u00e1 heildr\u00e6ni skilningur a\u00f0 VI\u00d0 \u00ed mj\u00f6g v\u00ed\u00f0ri merkingu \u00feess or\u00f0s m\u00f3tum allt sem vi\u00f0 gerum og heyrum. VI\u00d0 s\u00e9um afur\u00f0 \u00feess umhverfis sem vi\u00f0 komum \u00far, fj\u00f6lskyldumunstur, reynsla \u00e1 \u00f6llum svi\u00f0um l\u00edfsins m\u00f3ti hver vi\u00f0 erum, hva\u00f0 vi\u00f0 gerum og hva\u00f0 vi\u00f0 getum gert. \u00c1 stundum er au\u00f0velt a\u00f0 hugsa a\u00f0 \u00e1herslan \u00e1 f\u00e9lagslega umhverfi\u00f0 og reynsluna s\u00e9 of sterk, en \u00fe\u00e1 m\u00e1 ekki gleyma \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 einstaklingshyggjan er l\u00edklega sterkari h\u00e9r \u00ed BNA en annars sta\u00f0ar, \u00feannig a\u00f0 r\u00f6dd f\u00e9lagsm\u00f3tunarinnar ver\u00f0ur a\u00f0 hlj\u00f3ma h\u00e1tt, til a\u00f0 h\u00fan n\u00e1i a\u00f0 heyrast.<\/p>\n

Enn \u00fea\u00f0 er ekki n\u00f3g a\u00f0 rifja upp s\u00f6gurnar, skr\u00e1 gu\u00f0fr\u00e6\u00f0inna, e\u00f0a segja hva\u00f0 \u00e9g j\u00e1ta<\/a>. Vi\u00f0 \u00feurfum l\u00edka a\u00f0 gl\u00edma vi\u00f0 spurninguna, hvers vegna? S\u00fa sta\u00f0reynd a\u00f0 \u00e9g man enn or\u00f0 Berglj\u00f3tar e\u00f0a Berglindar, \u00fe\u00f3 \u00e9g muni ekki hva\u00f0 h\u00fan h\u00e9t, er \u00fea\u00f0 ors\u00f6k e\u00f0a aflei\u00f0ing \u00feess a\u00f0 \u00e9g a\u00f0hylltist gu\u00f0fr\u00e6\u00f0i O’Hallesby og Bjarna Eyj\u00f3lfssonar fram \u00e1 fullor\u00f0ins\u00e1r og er ekki enn laus undan hugsunum \u00feeirra, e\u00f0a er \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0an \u00f6nnur? Vi\u00f0 getum au\u00f0vita\u00f0 l\u00edka spurt okkur, hvers vegna Berg-eitthva\u00f0, kaus a\u00f0 hella s\u00e9r yfir mig \u00ed t\u00edma. Var \u00e9g \u00f6grun vi\u00f0 hana sem kennara, ger\u00f0i \u00e9g l\u00edti\u00f0 \u00far vi\u00f0leitni hennar til a\u00f0 vekja \u00e1huga nemendanna \u00e1 n\u00e1msefninu? Var \u00e9g e.t.v. birtingarmynd einhvers \u00ed fort\u00ed\u00f0 hennar, skyldi h\u00fan yfirleitt muna eftir a\u00f0 \u00e9g s\u00e9 til? Og ef h\u00fan veit ekki af tilvist minni, af hverju er h\u00fan svona f\u00f6st \u00ed minni minningu.<\/p>\n

\u00c1 sama h\u00e1tt spyr \u00e9g mig hva\u00f0a tilgangi \u00fea\u00f0 \u00fej\u00f3na\u00f0i a\u00f0 l\u00e1ta mig vita um “stigi\u00f0 sem skorti”. \u00c1 einkunnabla\u00f0inu nokkrum vikum seinna st\u00f3\u00f0 10. En \u00e9g veit a\u00f0 \u00e9g f\u00e9kk 9,9 og \u00e9g \u00e1 alltaf eftir a\u00f0 vita \u00fea\u00f0. Var sk\u00f3lastj\u00f3rinn stoltur af m\u00e9r, e\u00f0a var \u00e9g of hrokafullur og hann vildi sl\u00f6kkva \u00ed m\u00e9r, \u00e9g f\u00e6 l\u00edklega aldrei a\u00f0 vita \u00fea\u00f0. Kannski fannst honum \u00feetta fyndi\u00f0 og h\u00e9lt a\u00f0 \u00e9g myndi deila brandaranum. \u00c9g ger\u00f0i \u00fea\u00f0 \u00e1 vissan h\u00e1tt, \u00e9g man \u00feetta enn og blogga um \u00feetta h\u00e9r. Alla vega h\u00e9r \u00ed BNA er 99 au\u00f0vita\u00f0 mun s\u00f6luv\u00e6nlegra og al\u00fe\u00fd\u00f0legra en 100, \u00feannig a\u00f0 kannski var hann a\u00f0 minna mig \u00e1 a\u00f0 \u00e9g v\u00e6ri allra, en ekki hluti el\u00edtunnar, hver veit.<\/p>\n

\u00deessi \u00e1hersla \u00e1 sj\u00e1lfsko\u00f0un \u00ed n\u00e1minu, kallar l\u00edka fram spurningar um markmi\u00f0 og tilvist. \u00deannig hef \u00e9g haft tilhneigingu til a\u00f0 t\u00falka \u00fe\u00e1 sta\u00f0reynd a\u00f0 Jason Hsu nefndi vi\u00f0 Jenn\u00fdju m\u00f6guleikann \u00e1 n\u00e1mi \u00ed OSU, sem gu\u00f0lega handlei\u00f0slu, \u00fear sem \u00fea\u00f0 opna\u00f0i m\u00f6guleikann \u00e1 n\u00e1mi m\u00ednu \u00ed Trinity. T\u00falkun sem byggir a\u00f0 sj\u00e1lfs\u00f6g\u00f0u \u00e1 sveigjanleika okkar hj\u00f3na og \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 \u00feykjumst tilb\u00fain til a\u00f0 takast \u00e1 vi\u00f0 mist\u00f6k \u00ed t\u00falkunum okkar \u00e1 a\u00f0st\u00e6\u00f0um. <\/p>\n

“Label”-inn gu\u00f0leg handlei\u00f0sla \u00e1 n\u00e1ms\u00e1kv\u00f6r\u00f0unina kallar fram einhvers konar fullvissu um a\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 sem vi\u00f0 erum a\u00f0 gera s\u00e9 r\u00e9tt, e\u00f0a kannski \u00f6llu fremur gott fyrir okkur sem einstaklinga. \u00deannig er n\u00e1mi\u00f0 \u00ed einhverjum skilningi blessun, gj\u00f6f Gu\u00f0s til m\u00edn. \u00c1 \u00feennan h\u00e1tt \u00fearf \u00e9g ekki a\u00f0 \u00f3ttast hva\u00f0 tekur vi\u00f0, eftir tv\u00f6 \u00e1r, t\u00edu \u00e1r e\u00f0a tuttugu. Vi\u00f0 lifum n\u00fa \u00ed gu\u00f0legri handlei\u00f0slu og gerum \u00fea\u00f0 sem vi\u00f0 teljum okkur \u00e6tla\u00f0, hva\u00f0 s\u00ed\u00f0ar ver\u00f0ur, ver\u00f0ur s\u00ed\u00f0ar. Spurning um gu\u00f0lega handlei\u00f0slu kallar au\u00f0vita\u00f0 jafnframt fram spurningar sem \u00e1 stundum eru erfi\u00f0ar. \u00deegar \u00e9g til d\u00e6mis er a\u00f0 kenna, hvort sem er \u00ed Vatnask\u00f3gi, e\u00f0a n\u00fa \u00ed Christ Lutheran, hvarflar hugur minn til \u00feess hva\u00f0 hef\u00f0i gerst ef ums\u00f3knin m\u00edn \u00ed KH\u00cd hef\u00f0i skila\u00f0 s\u00e9r \u00feanga\u00f0 1993, \u00e9g veit a\u00f0 me\u00f0m\u00e6labr\u00e9fin ger\u00f0u \u00fea\u00f0. Var \u00fea\u00f0 l\u00edka gu\u00f0leg handlei\u00f0sla, e\u00f0a er handlei\u00f0slu hugmyndin einv\u00f6r\u00f0ungu “naiv” lei\u00f0 til a\u00f0 “cope-a” \u00fe\u00e1 sta\u00f0reynd a\u00f0 ums\u00f3knin gufa\u00f0i upp. \u00c9g er nefnilega fr\u00e1b\u00e6r kennari, \u00e9g veit \u00fea\u00f0 (en af einhverjum \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0um er samt erfitt a\u00f0 skrifa \u00fea\u00f0 h\u00e9r, \u00fe\u00f6kk s\u00e9 m.a. annars Ole og Bjarna). \u00cd einhverjum skilningi eru svona p\u00e6lingar gagnslausar, kalla fram sorg og “frustrationir”, en um lei\u00f0 eru \u00feeir nau\u00f0synlegur hluti af n\u00e1mi gu\u00f0fr\u00e6\u00f0inga fr\u00e1 sj\u00f3narhorni L\u00fathersku kirkjunnar \u00ed BNA, enda ekki v\u00e6nlegt a\u00f0 hafa starfsf\u00f3lk \u00e1 svi\u00f0i samskipta me\u00f0 miki\u00f0 af \u00f3leystum tilvistarspurningum.<\/p>\n

\u00cd t\u00e6p 20 \u00e1r hefur \u00fea\u00f0 m\u00f3ta\u00f0 l\u00edf mitt a\u00f0 vera n\u00e6stum \u00fev\u00ed, en samt ekki alveg. \u00dea\u00f0 var sta\u00f0fest \u00e1 skrifstofu sk\u00f3lastj\u00f3rans \u00ed gagnfr\u00e6\u00f0ask\u00f3lanum m\u00ednum, l\u00edklega \u00ed apr\u00edl-ma\u00ed 1988. \u00deessi gl\u00edma heldur \u00e1fram, \u00e9g myndi segja ef \u00e9g v\u00e6ri a\u00f0 skrifa fr\u00e6\u00f0sluefni, a\u00f0 svari\u00f0 vi\u00f0 sj\u00e1lfsmyndarvandanum s\u00e9 a\u00f0 \u00e9g s\u00e9 einmitt alveg – alveg<\/strong>. Alveg \u00e9g sj\u00e1lfur og alveg d\u00fdrm\u00e6t sk\u00f6pun Gu\u00f0s<\/em>. Ef \u00e9g v\u00e6ri nemandi hj\u00e1 sj\u00e1lfum m\u00e9r, a\u00f0 hlusta \u00e1 kennsluefni\u00f0 myndi \u00e9g l\u00edklega ekki heyra or\u00f0in, en hugsa um “fr\u00edking” j\u00f6fnurnar tv\u00e6r, me\u00f0 tveimur \u00f3\u00feekktum sem \u00e9g nennti ekki a\u00f0 \u00fatb\u00faa \u00e1 Samr\u00e6mda pr\u00f3finu \u00ed apr\u00edl 1988.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Fyrir t\u00e6pum 20 \u00e1rum kalla\u00f0i sk\u00f3lastj\u00f3rinn \u00ed gagnfr\u00e6\u00f0ask\u00f3lanum m\u00ednum, mig inn \u00e1 skrifstofuna s\u00edna. \u00deannig var a\u00f0 ni\u00f0urst\u00f6\u00f0ur samr\u00e6mdu pr\u00f3fanna voru n\u00fdkomnar \u00ed h\u00fas. Af einhverjum \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0um s\u00e1 hann \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0u til a\u00f0 r\u00e6\u00f0a vi\u00f0 mig s\u00e9rstaklega um ni\u00f0urst\u00f6\u00f0u st\u00e6r\u00f0fr\u00e6\u00f0ipr\u00f3fsins.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wds_primary_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[108],"class_list":["post-373","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-islenska","tag-my-studies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/373","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=373"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/373\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=373"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=373"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=373"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}