\u00c1ri\u00f0 eftir a\u00f0 \u00e9g h\u00e6tti st\u00f6rfum sem framkv\u00e6mdastj\u00f3ri \u00c6SKR (\u00c6skul\u00fd\u00f0ssambands kirkjunnar \u00ed Reykjav\u00edkurpr\u00f3fastsd\u00e6mum), nota\u00f0i \u00e9g miki\u00f0 af t\u00edma m\u00ednum \u00ed lestur og skrif um pers\u00f3nuleikabresti, velti upp spurningum hva\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 merkti a\u00f0 kirkjan v\u00e6ri \u00f6llum opin og a\u00f0 allir v\u00e6ru velkomnir. Brennipunkturinn \u00ed vangaveltum m\u00ednum var mj\u00f6g einstaklingsbundin og undir sterkum \u00e1hrifum einstaklingshyggju pietismans. Me\u00f0al annars skrifa\u00f0i \u00e9g \u00feetta h\u00e9r (l\u00edtillega breytt):<\/p>\n
Hvers vegna er \u00e9g h\u00e9r?<\/strong><\/p>\n
Sv\u00f6rin eru mismunandi. Hvatinn til starfa er l\u00edkast til jafn fj\u00f6lbreyttur og starfsmennirnir sj\u00e1lfir. Um lei\u00f0 og starfsmenn leita svara vi\u00f0 \u00e1\u00f0urnefndri spurningu er nau\u00f0synlegt a\u00f0 vita a\u00f0 ekkert eitt svar er r\u00e9tt og enginn getur gert kr\u00f6fu um a\u00f0 forsendur allra s\u00e9u \u00fe\u00e6r s\u00f6mu. \u00dea\u00f0 er margt sem m\u00f3tar gj\u00f6r\u00f0ir okkar og f\u00e6r okkur til a\u00f0 s\u00e6kja um starf \u00ed kirkjunni. Mikilv\u00e6gt er a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 t\u00f6kumst \u00e1 vi\u00f0 \u00e1hrifavalda \u00ed l\u00edfi okkar til g\u00f3\u00f0s og ills og reynum a\u00f0 vinna me\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e1.<\/p>\n
Per Arne Dahl segir:<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u00dea\u00f0 sem vi\u00f0 erum me\u00f0vitu\u00f0 um getum vi\u00f0 m\u00f3ta\u00f0 \u00e1fram. \u00dea\u00f0 sem vi\u00f0 erum \u00f3me\u00f0vitu\u00f0 um m\u00f3tar okkur. \u00dev\u00ed sem vi\u00f0 h\u00f6fnum og neitum a\u00f0 horfast \u00ed augu vi\u00f0, getum vi\u00f0 ekki breytt og b\u00e6tt.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Hugmyndir Per Arne eru n\u00e1tengdar hugmyndum Freud og fleiri um a\u00f0 bernskan og tengsl okkar vi\u00f0 foreldra hafi grundvallandi \u00e1hrif \u00e1 heg\u00f0un okkar s\u00ed\u00f0ar.<\/p>\n
Gunnar Elstad talar um a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 leitum s\u00edfellt svara vi\u00f0 \u00feremur spurningum bernskunnar:<\/p>\n
\u2022 <\/span>Elskar mig einhver?<\/p>\n
\u2022 <\/span>Vill einhver leika vi\u00f0 mig?<\/p>\n
\u2022 <\/span>Get \u00e9g gert gagn?<\/p>\n
Ef vi\u00f0 h\u00f6fum fengi\u00f0 neikv\u00e6tt svar vi\u00f0 \u00feessum spurningum \u00ed bernsku, \u00fe\u00e1 gl\u00edmum vi\u00f0 vi\u00f0 \u00fe\u00e6r allt l\u00edfi\u00f0. A\u00f0 takast \u00e1 vi\u00f0 \u00feessar spurningar er nau\u00f0synlegt til a\u00f0 vi\u00f0 getum n\u00e1\u00f0 auknum \u00feroska og tekist \u00e1 vi\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 sem m\u00f3tar l\u00edf okkar. \u00dea\u00f0 er s\u00e9rstaklega mikilv\u00e6gt fyrir lei\u00f0toga \u00ed kristilegu starfi a\u00f0 takast \u00e1 vi\u00f0 ofangreinar spurningar. Annars s\u00e9 h\u00e6tt vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 lei\u00f0togar noti b\u00f6rnin og unglingana til a\u00f0 uppfylla grunn\u00fearfir s\u00ednar, fremur en a\u00f0 \u00feeir leitist vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 uppfylla v\u00e6ntingar barnanna.<\/p>\n
\u00dea\u00f0 er \u00fev\u00ed forsenda \u00feess a\u00f0 starfa \u00ed kirkjunni a\u00f0 vi\u00f0komandi s\u00e9 tilb\u00fain a\u00f0 takast \u00e1 vi\u00f0 hugmyndir og v\u00e6ntingar sj\u00e1lfs s\u00edn.<\/p>\n
Hvort sem a\u00f0 hvatinn til starfa er leit a\u00f0 vi\u00f0urkenningu, \u00fe\u00f6rfin til a\u00f0 gera gagn, launin e\u00f0a \u00fe\u00f6rf fyrir a\u00f0 r\u00e1\u00f0a, er mikilv\u00e6gt a\u00f0 starfsmenn geri s\u00e9r grein fyrir honum og endursko\u00f0i hugmyndir s\u00ednar \u00ed s\u00edfellu. Jafnframt er mikilv\u00e6gt a\u00f0 samstarfsf\u00f3lk \u00feekki vonir og v\u00e6ntingar hvers annars, \u00fear sem opin sko\u00f0anaskipti og sk\u00fdr sta\u00f0a einstaklinga hvers gagnvart \u00f6\u00f0ru eru grundvallandi \u00ed g\u00f3\u00f0um samskiptum.<\/p>\n
Fj\u00f3r\u00f0i hvatinn sem h\u00e9r var nefndur er bein aflei\u00f0ing syndafallsins og felst \u00ed \u00fe\u00f6rf mannkyns til a\u00f0 stj\u00f3rna og r\u00e1\u00f0a. Valdaf\u00edkn og \u00fe\u00f6rfin fyrir a\u00f0 r\u00e1\u00f0skast me\u00f0 a\u00f0ra getur leitt einstaklinga til starfa \u00ed kirkjunni, s\u00e9rstaklega ef samskiptareglur eru \u00f3sk\u00fdrar. \u00cd sl\u00edkum tilfellum er mikilv\u00e6gt a\u00f0 unni\u00f0 s\u00e9 me\u00f0 tilfinningar vi\u00f0komandi og honum bent \u00e1 \u00f3\u00e6skilegar aflei\u00f0ingar hvata sinna. N\u00e6gi sl\u00edkt ekki, \u00fearf a\u00f0 segja vi\u00f0\u00adkom\u00adandi upp st\u00f6rfum.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\u00deessi texti er n\u00fa 10 \u00e1ra gamall og undanfarin fj\u00f6gur \u00e1r hefur n\u00e1m mitt sn\u00faist mun meira um kerfisl\u00e6g vandam\u00e1l, fremur en vandam\u00e1l einstaklinga og gj\u00f6r\u00f0ir \u00feeirra. \u00deannig s\u00e9u heg\u00f0unarmynstur einstaklinga og f\u00e9lagsleg tengsl \u00feeirra oft og i\u00f0ulega speglun \u00e1 fj\u00f6lskyldumynstri (sj\u00e1 m.a. Bowen Family Systems Theory). Mynstur \u00ed f\u00e9lagsheildum endurtaki sig \u00ed s\u00edfellu og kerfi\u00f0 (e. system) m\u00f3ti einstaklingana og bindi \u00fe\u00e1 \u00ed \u00e1kve\u00f0num hlutverkum. \u00deannig s\u00e9 l\u00edti\u00f0 gagn \u00ed \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 l\u00edta til svarta sau\u00f0arins e\u00f0a finna til bl\u00f3rab\u00f6ggul, vandinn felist fyrst og fremst \u00ed \u00f3\u00e6skilegu tengsla og samskiptamynstri. \u00dea\u00f0 a\u00f0 fjarl\u00e6gja bl\u00f3rab\u00f6ggulinn leysi engan vanda, kerfi\u00f0 leiti \u00ed sitt hef\u00f0bundna \u00e1stand.\u00a0\u00deess utan er \u00fea\u00f0 yfirleitt svo a\u00f0 “vandinn sem blasir vi\u00f0, er aldrei vandinn sem \u00fearf a\u00f0 takast \u00e1 vi\u00f0” (e. the issue is never the issue).<\/p>\n
B\u00e1\u00f0ar \u00e1herslurnar leggja \u00e1herslu \u00e1 a\u00f0 einstaklingar ver\u00f0i s\u00e9r me\u00f0vita\u00f0ir um st\u00f6\u00f0u s\u00edna. Annars vegar me\u00f0 spurningum Gunnars Elstad h\u00e9r a\u00f0 ofan, hins vegar me\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 greina st\u00f6\u00f0u s\u00edna \u00ed kerfinu.<\/p>\n
Kenningar um fj\u00f6lskyldumynstur ganga \u00fat fr\u00e1 a\u00f0 einstaklingar geti ekki breytt kerfum, heldur a\u00f0eins afst\u00f6\u00f0u sinni og me\u00f0vitund um kerfi\u00f0 sem \u00feeir tilheyra. Sl\u00edk breytt afsta\u00f0a geti me\u00f0 t\u00edmanum haft \u00e1hrif \u00e1 kerfi\u00f0 heild, en sl\u00edkt s\u00e9 me\u00f0 \u00f6llu \u00f3v\u00edst og ekki endilega markmi\u00f0 \u00ed sj\u00e1lfu s\u00e9r. Margaret Marcuson, \u00ed b\u00f3k sinni Leaders Who Last<\/em>, segir r\u00e9ttilega a\u00f0 “\u00dea\u00f0 eina sem vi\u00f0 getum gert eitthva\u00f0 \u00ed er okkar eigin heg\u00f0un \u00ed kerfinu.”<\/p>\n
\u00deeir \u00fe\u00e6ttir sem helst kalla \u00e1 \u00f3breytt \u00e1stand og vi\u00f0hald kerfisins eru kv\u00ed\u00f0i, \u00f3tti og \u00f3vissa. \u00c1 t\u00edmabili notu\u00f0u fr\u00e6\u00f0imenn \u00e1 svi\u00f0i fj\u00f6lskyldumynstursfr\u00e6\u00f0a hugtaki\u00f0 “kv\u00ed\u00f0alaust \u00e1stand” (e. non-anxious presence) um einstakling sem getur hj\u00e1lpa\u00f0 til vi\u00f0 a\u00f0 greina \u00e1stand vi\u00f0varandi kerfis og finna lei\u00f0ir til a\u00f0 hj\u00e1lpa kerfinu til a\u00f0 ver\u00f0a me\u00f0vita\u00f0 um sj\u00e1lft sig. \u00c1 s\u00ed\u00f0ari \u00e1rum hafa s\u00f6mu fr\u00e6\u00f0imenn hins vegar \u00e1tta\u00f0 sig \u00e1 a\u00f0 einu einstaklingarnir sem eru fullkomlega kv\u00ed\u00f0alausir eru dau\u00f0ir, svo \u00e1 s\u00ed\u00f0ari \u00e1rum er meira og meira notast vi\u00f0 “kv\u00ed\u00f0al\u00edti\u00f0 \u00e1stand” (e. less-anxious presence), \u00fear sem greinandinn er r\u00f3legri yfir a\u00f0st\u00e6\u00f0unum en a\u00f0rir \u00ed kringum hann.<\/p>\n
Ofur\u00e1herslan \u00e1 kerfisl\u00e6ga n\u00e1lgun hefur kallast mj\u00f6g \u00e1kve\u00f0i\u00f0 \u00e1 vi\u00f0 einstaklingshyggju p\u00edetismans \u00ed huga m\u00ednum undanfarin \u00e1r. \u00deannig hefur kerfisl\u00e6ga n\u00e1lgunin tilhneygingu til a\u00f0 l\u00edta framhj\u00e1 pers\u00f3nuleikatruflunum af genat\u00edskum \u00e1st\u00e6\u00f0um e\u00f0a pers\u00f3nuleikabrestum sem eiga s\u00e9r e.t.v. ekki f\u00e9lagslegar sk\u00fdringar.<\/p>\n
\u00c1 hinn b\u00f3ginn hefur einstaklingshyggjan tilhneygingu til a\u00f0 einbl\u00edna \u00e1 meinta s\u00f6kud\u00f3lga og kalla eftir a\u00f0ger\u00f0um sem mi\u00f0a einv\u00f6r\u00f0ungu a\u00f0 \u00fev\u00ed a\u00f0 fjarl\u00e6gja \u00f3\u00fe\u00e6gindin \u00ed sta\u00f0 \u00feess a\u00f0 gl\u00edma “vandann sem \u00fearf a\u00f0 takast \u00e1 vi\u00f0.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00c1ri\u00f0 eftir a\u00f0 \u00e9g h\u00e6tti st\u00f6rfum sem framkv\u00e6mdastj\u00f3ri \u00c6SKR (\u00c6skul\u00fd\u00f0ssambands kirkjunnar \u00ed Reykjav\u00edkurpr\u00f3fastsd\u00e6mum), nota\u00f0i \u00e9g miki\u00f0 af t\u00edma m\u00ednum \u00ed lestur og skrif um pers\u00f3nuleikabresti, velti upp spurningum hva\u00f0 \u00fea\u00f0 merkti a\u00f0 kirkjan v\u00e6ri \u00f6llum opin og a\u00f0 allir v\u00e6ru velkomnir. Brennipunkturinn \u00ed vangaveltum m\u00ednum var mj\u00f6g einstaklingsbundin og undir sterkum \u00e1hrifum einstaklingshyggju pietismans.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wds_primary_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[31,33,37,63,89,97,126,147],"class_list":["post-2209","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-islenska","tag-clergy","tag-communication","tag-counseling","tag-family","tag-injustice","tag-leadership","tag-relationship","tag-storytelling"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2209","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2209"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2209\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2209"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2209"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ispeculate.net\/writings\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2209"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}